When one loses a great deal of weight, it is expected that their appearance will also change. I will admit that there are times that I walk past a mirror in the store or see a photo of myself and have no clue that it's me. I have to do a double take. So, it is natural to assume that friends will also have this same issue. Let me share one of my favorite experiences with this....
This past August, while at our church camp for it's annual campmeeting, I was out for a walk and saw that a friend of mine had arrived. At this point, I was down 104 pounds. I've known Debbie my entire life. She was pregnant with her son at the time my mom was pregnant with me, so it isn't like she could have forgotten that she knew me. I began walking toward her cabin with a big smile on my face. How nice it was to see her! However, the closer I got the more disturbed she looked. I smiled and waved and she looked away. Really??? Finally I was within about 5 feet of her and I said, "Debbie? How are ya?!" She glanced up, looked away and then looked back with HUGE eyes. I started to laugh and she said, "I was wondering who that strange lady was and why she was getting so close to me!" HAHAHA.... Yep, it happens a lot.
I guess of all the problems in the world to have, this is a good one, right? So many have apologized for not being as warm and happy to see me as they should have been, but they really had no idea who I was. That's ok! It's not a big deal. It is just part of this journey. Experiences like this have helped me with my own issues with self-image. Even after losing 125 pounds, I still see myself as looking the same. You're thinking, "Huh? How could you?" Well, when I was 262 pounds I didn't see myself as being that big either. It's like those who suffer from anorexia or bulimia. They see themselves as being overweight, when they are in fact emaciated. Often the obese see themselves looking like everyone else. Obesity is an eating disorder all of its own, just on the other end of the spectrum. Learning to recognize myself and my appearance for what it is has been difficult, but it's all part of the mental adjustments that I've had to learn to make.
Just yesterday I was shopping with my mom. She handed me 2 pair of jeans to try on, one an 8 and one a 6. I said, "Mother, I can not squeeze this butt into a 6!" She said, "Go try them on." Yes ma'am! So I did. I put on the 6 and buttoned it, then zipped and...I COULD BREATHE! Holy cow, I'm wearing a 6! Honestly, the person I often see looking back at me is still 262 pounds, but I am learning that I am not that big anymore. I am actually "normal size". It's hard to wrap my mind around that fact after spending over 20 years being either overweight or obese, but if there were ever a problem I had to face, I am glad it's this one!
After my husband gets home tonight, I'll be posting before and after pictures. He's got the before pictures locked away somewhere on some hard drive. (I probably told him to lock them up and throw away the key!) Then you can tell me....Would you have known me???
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